She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
