party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have post one night stand depression
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