I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
