Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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