I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
