Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do vagina's smell?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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