Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
