I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
