I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
