can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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