hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
