My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
