apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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