Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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