How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
