so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
