id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
