If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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