i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
