I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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