Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
