DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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