and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
