I got chris browned last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
