Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
