So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
