the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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