Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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