Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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