I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
