did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jerry, you need to find god
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize