Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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