Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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