bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize