I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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