this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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