so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
