Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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