I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize