i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
