Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
