Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
