dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
