I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
