She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
