Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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