if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
