I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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