I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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