like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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