When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize