real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
