I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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