he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
