Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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