hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
