I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
