At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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