Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
