Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
look no pants
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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