chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
