new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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