Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
