how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
