I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
