I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize