He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
