I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
